The 100 Worst People On Twitter

@BonsaiSky

#SalatTosser

Never discuss politics or religion at the dinner table. That isn’t a matter of etiquette, it just makes you a very poor dining companion.

The same goes for Twitter. As we get further and further up this list, a lot more explicitly political types are going to turn up. There’s something about the combination of holding earnest political beliefs as an adult, combined with the constant drip-feeding of idiocy that Twitter offers, that makes political accounts unbearable. And there’s a lot of them. Religion is a little different, though. It’s not really that big a Twitter industry.

Look, this is a list of the worst Twitter users “of note”. I’m sure there’s #tcot fundie gun nuts in Arizona who are worse at Twitter than @BonsaiSky. However, none of those guys can relentlessly shitpost their way around the entire site like he can.

@BonsaiSky is… American? Palestinian? Some country with a Muslim leader, anyway. He describes himself as a “FUNdamentalist”, which is cool as I always like to sum up the religious affiliations that dictate my entire life with the sort of pun you’d see on a £8 t-shirt down Camden Market.

I know there’s been the occasional spot of small-scale grief between us over the years, but I always assumed that the three proper religions (Catholicism, Islam, Judaism) shared certain traits compared to the other faiths: the knowledge that religion exists to make you hate yourself and the awareness that you should never, ever, broadcast your beliefs to other people.

@BonsaiSky didn’t get the message. The guy does more testifying than Joe Valachi. There was a point a few months ago where every single evening, the London TTs would contain something like #IslamHasTaughtMe or #AllahIsPrettyGoodIMHO. Of the usual ways to come to a new religion (post-mental breakdown and while imprisoned), none of them seem to suggest that a particularly persuasive hashtag is a great way of deciding how to live your life. I really don’t need my potential religious affiliation broadcast to me using a “Good Guy Greg” meme.

The reason @BonsaiSky is on here is because he’s like the trendy vicar of Twitter. We’re talking about something serious here: a design for living combined with the role of religion (and religious discrimination) in the 21st century. And as the vicars of old would have coped with this by getting their acoustic guitar out and singing “Father and Son”, @BonsaiSky treats it like, if Muhammad were to return to earth today, his Twitter feed would resemble @RevRunWisdom. 

And, inevitably, behind the watery personality, there’s a sinister side to @BonsaiSky. After every “just dream your dream guys, you can do it!” tweet there’s a link to an article calling menstruating women unclean. I mean, come on son, Catholics stopped thinking that in about 1997.

@BonsaiSky is somehow bland and sinister at exactly the same time, like being held captive as a sexual slave by Travis.

Sample Tweets:

Every TWEET is a seed that is planted. RETWEETS determine the number of branches. Changing for the better because of them are the FRUITS.

Lesson: Physical disabilities are often compensated by a huge heart & missed because of assumptions.

If you ever have trouble interpreting one of my tweets, err on the side of sarcasm.