The 100 Worst People On Twitter

@GOPWonka

#YouLoseGoodDay

Of all the memes that have spawned legions of parody accounts on Twitter, Wonka is by far the worst and most ubiquitous. For some reason, a load of people decided it would be funny to have Gene Wilder state “Oh, you’re drinking diet coke? My, aren’t you the embodiment of a healthy lifestyle.” And so on. The thing is, that these jokes tend to quickly wear thin. There ain’t the permutations to keep it going. So you have to evolve. Conservative Wonka is a fascinating case study in this field.

With Condescending Wonka, Baseball Wonka, Electronic Music Wonka, Mormon Wonka, and Directioner Wonka (I’m serious - these are all real Wonka accounts) all taken, it’s a hard market to penetrate. So your man started out making the standard Wonka jokes, but with a bit of edge. Attack black people, people on social security, single mothers. The RTs began flooding in, and a niche was forged. Conservative Wonka was born.

It’s a perfect idea, because it has the ideal user-base for any parody Twitter account or, really, any website ever: a lot of people who are inclined to support it from the off who don’t really understand how the internet works. And so the black people the account attacked became Obama and his supporters.

Everybody becomes jaded at some point, though. So the account got more Conservative and less Wonka. The standard “Oh, you’re supporting Black History month? Please, tell me more about how it’s not racist that there’s no white history month” construct had to be branched out on. So, the account just dissolved into the usual incoherent ranting of anybody discussing party politics on the internet. And the worst kind too, American party politics. You can tell it’s the worst because the British middle-classes are obsessed with it. Want to hear the facts about Obama’s birth certificate? No, the REAL facts?

For all the obvious horrors of this account, by far the worst of this whole sub-genre of Twitter accounts, consider this: The best campaign Obama could ever run would be to point to Conservative Wonka and say “See this - imagine a Democrat version. Doesn’t really work, does it?”

Sample Tweets

“Oh, Obama wants to kickstart the economy? Please, explain to me how raising taxes on business owners will help achieve that goal. #TCOT”

“Oh, you think Jesus was a liberal? Tell me about all the times he advocated high taxes to pay for government dependency programs. #TCOT”

“How I’m celebrating independence day. How about you guys? #TCOT #Rodeo#IndependenceDay #America #GodBlessAmerica pic.twitter.com/NQZRLwX7”