We could never do a follow-up to this list called “The 100 Worst People on YouTube”. Where would you start? Every single professional YouTuber is a terrible human being. Edgy racist Pat Condell, widescreen HD-ready forehead-owner Ray William Johnson, that Geordie broad who does makeup tutorials despite the fact that she doesn’t know how to wash her own hair properly… if you can get through more than 30 seconds of any of these guys’ output without wishing sciatica on their entire family, then you’re a better man than me.
There’s a special circle in hell for video game reviews, though. Not just because playing video games, like owning more than one pair of trainers, is something no self-respecting man should do past the age of 18, but also… I mean, imagine willingly being referred to in public as Angry Video Game Nerd? School counselors are clearly doing far too good a job at restoring the self-esteem of bullied children these days.
YouTube video game channels are an inherently American institution. So, as with anything else inherently American, eventually the English have to create their own version of it, porting over all the failings of the original and adding the sheen of patheticism that can only be borne from living in a country where Mud had 11 top 10 singles.
For those who don’t recognise the name, KSIOlajidebt is the guy who does the FIFA videos where he repeatedly says Emile Heskey’s name using what comedy scholars know as “that voice”. That’s it. That’s his whole schtick. 215,000 Twitter followers, 176 million YouTube views off the back of that. And people wonder why England is in the state it’s in?
I’ll tell you why I actively, viscerally hate KSIOlajidebt, though. He represents the inevitable compression of the monoculture. On one hand, he’s doing it for the TrueLad.com crew, endless gags about celebrity sex tapes and Asians having small dicks. And on the other… there’s that aura of the rage face user around him. You sense he says “le” and “ffffuuuuu” in emails. I don’t want to spend any part of my life with guys who wear Jack Wills, and I don’t want to spend any time with people who have 9Gag bookmarked. KSIOlajidebt strikes me as the kind of guy who does both.
If we wanted to dig deeper, we could suggest that a black guy making lots of jokes about “big black men” being “hulking beasts” to a majority white audience has some very unpleasant overtones to it, and that maybe KSIOlajidebt is the closest Britain will ever come to its own Bobby Ologun. Instead, let me just condemn him this way: he mainly updates his Twitter account via BlackBerry. British youth stay losing in the 2012.
“Anyone going to watch the Paraolympics? I find it hard enough looking at the handicapped, but making them compete against each other? COMON!”
“Therefore i can fulfil your fetishes of a 5 foot13 black dick demolishing your flaps?”
“omg this is fucking epic ahahahhahahaah pic.twitter.com/JI6wljq9”