The 100 Worst People On Twitter

@gilescoren

#BirdsEyeView

You thought you could get away from us that easily, huh?

We’re not gonna let the fact that Giles Coren quit Twitter stop us wielding the swift and terrible sword of blogjustice. It’s worth mentioning the reason he did, though: because a fellow food critic called him a ‘numpty.’

Now, this just shows why this blog is not only righteous, but necessary. If Twitter really were the cesspit of vile abuse that media figures often like to make out it is, then Giles Coren surely should’ve been driven away long ago. Who else can be more worthy? No, the truth is, Twitter badly let itself down by keeping the cunt around.

Giles Coren is basically the embodiment of a common theme in this blog: get paid to criticise restaurants, television, films, which actually negatively affects people’s livelihoods: fair game. Call someone a cunt for free: social breakdown. For most people, a hypocrisy, a flaw, a foible. For Giles Coren… well, that’s all he is. He literally doesn’t do anything else other than criticise people and get buttshook at being criticised.

The problem with this, for Coren, is that he doesn’t really understand how Twitter works. The difference between arguing over the internet and real life is obvious and well-documented: you can’t just cold pop someone in the jaw. Coren is obviously about as handy as he is self-aware, so this should be to his advantage. It’s not though, because all he can really do is send back a stream of the most turgid swears. Typing “Fuck off, you cunt” in reply to criticism is what most of us do on a bad day. For Coren, it’s his schtick, and he probably sniggers to himself with every one. It’s basically the reason why public schoolboys are all vermin, never getting past the guffawing at swear-words or obvious toilet humour or sexual perversions.

The worst thing about him though Absolutely the “oh, shame he’s such a cunt, his dad was great” platitudes erupting over Twitter whenever he does something foolish. His dad was, of course, colonialist, racist funnyman Alan Coren. I’m sure Giles hates black people just as much as the next public schoolboy, but you expect them to be subtle about it. That level of entitlement with that kind of open, pantomime racism, the kind you don’t really see anymore, is pretty special, so I suppose it’s to his credit he’s not as bad as his dad. Well done, Giles.

Sample Tweets:

“@MarinaOLoughlin fuck off Marina. It’s hurtful and bitchy and pompous. When I want career advice from you I’ll fucking ask for it.”

“@alice_emily go f**k yourself, you barren old hag.”

“Gosh, the vibe on the Norwich to Sheringham link train is very, um, very, ah, err, not terribly, um… cosmopolitan?”