The 100 Worst People On Twitter
A comprehensive run-down of Twitter's greatest whoppers, weapons, throbbers, shitheels, and bellpieces.
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#ISawTheLight
It’s about time The 100 Worst checked its privilege. How many AOCs (assholes of colour) have we had on the list so far? Joe Budden, The Rock, MJ Illest, BonsaiSky, Dr Eoin Clarke and KSIOlajidebt. A pitiful six. We’ve spent more time criticising saltines than a chowder blog. We’ve focussed on the White Twitter Elite so much that we’ve neglected Black Twitter. So let’s make a play for equality today. Let’s look at the nadir of Black Twitter. Let’s look at @ThelIluminati.
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#BearJokesBruv
Seth MacFarlane is the only auteur still working in American comedy. Who else is there? Mike Judge gave us Idiocracy and The Goode Family. Matt Groening had little to do with The Simpsons’ peak years and a lot to do with its modern zombie existence as a Fox cash cow. Mitchell Hurwitz is a hack who somehow had one of his commercial bombs of a show picked up as a clarion call for bodricks who like to complain online. The fact that “helping launch Childish Gambino” is only fifth on the list of Dan Harmon’s greatest crimes tells you how awful Community actually is.
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@GOPWonka
#YouLoseGoodDay
Of all the memes that have spawned legions of parody accounts on Twitter, Wonka is by far the worst and most ubiquitous. For some reason, a load of people decided it would be funny to have Gene Wilder state “Oh, you’re drinking diet coke? My, aren’t you the embodiment of a healthy lifestyle.” And so on. The thing is, that these jokes tend to quickly wear thin. There ain’t the permutations to keep it going. So you have to evolve. Conservative Wonka is a fascinating case study in this field.
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#ActuallyWorseThanNicholasSparksOutput
There’s a Nedroid comic which posits that a pretty accurate description of hell would be remembering every single embarrassing thing you did as a teenager at once. I don’t mean painting your nails black with a marker pen, or reading Bret Easton Ellis novels. I’m talking about that period after you discovered emotions. I remember giving a girl a burnt mix CD that contained four separate tracks from Fountains of Wayne’s “Utopia Parkway” along with some “poetry” I’d copied from those wrappers you get with Baci chocolates. She didn’t sleep with me.
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@MensHumor
#TheFatuousBaconBoys
We’ve already examined British lad culture once or twice on these pages, but you may be wondering: What do our American cousins have in it’s place? Well, they have something quite similar, but as you’d expect, there are a multitude of social and cultural distinctions to be made, which make it very complex to analyse. Here’s how you do it.
- Americans can be shit at Twitter as well
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- corporate whores
- cunts
- down with the kids
- failed attempts at humour
- failures in life
- GIVE ME A BOOK DEAL
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- hammering the same joke into the ground over and over again
- insecure as fuck
- lad banter
- misogynists
- Neckbeards
- racists
- trying to be funny
- the same jokes everyone else is tweeting
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#IHateYourInterestsToo
People have been confusing “wanting to fuck someone” with “finding them funny” since time immemorial. Jack Whitehall, Noel Fielding, Norman Collier and Josh Widdecombe have all benefited from this. Even so, you really need to stop RTing the mediocre attempts at comedy by the many delightful solid 7s who populate Twitter. I know why you’re doing it, but you gotta stop. They’re not going to magically transport themselves through the internet and have sex with you.
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#TheWorstAManCanGet
Some of you feel that a lot of the people on this list are too low. Sometimes, we’ve gotta get the topical dollar, like with Aveyard and Bragg. Sometimes, you’re just never going to be pleased, because honestly what number could truly fit the likes of FourFourTom? But sometimes, you make the mistake of assuming a terrible person is automatically a terrible tweeter. This is one of those. I state, with absolute confidence, that Penn Jillette is the worst man in the world. However, I actually had to check and see if he had a Twitter presence or not, which explains his relatively low place on the list.
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#IfIWereARickman
On Monday we had Snapes. Today we have Snape. Turbo B must be bricking it in anticipation of Friday.
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#SalatTosser
Never discuss politics or religion at the dinner table. That isn’t a matter of etiquette, it just makes you a very poor dining companion.
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#14WordsIn140Characters
To many of you, the tale of @GhettoHikes is old news. That’s because you spend all of your time looking for something to get angry about on the internet. You can play the back for this entry. For the rest of you, here’s something you won’t get that often on this blog: a heart-warming story. A heart-warming story about the rise and fall of a racist sack of shit.
