The 100 Worst People On Twitter

@Sunny_Hundal

#SunnyListen

This is an odd time to be a left-leaning member of the commentariat, because almost everything said will be of no importance or relevance at all. You’d think, given the situation, that if not a working understanding of the global financial crisis, then at least an acceptance that it’s happening, would be a prerequisite to be paid to post your opinions, but no.

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@AlaindeBotton

#AdBOut

You know those accounts, the Will Smith parody accounts or the Notebook, endlessly tweeting the self-help slogans and the “never give up on your dreams” gruel? The ones that take up the part of Twitter that isn’t comprised of football ‘banter’ retweets and “that awkward moment when you thought they were talking about the man of the same name who sings in that band” tweets whenever a Mossad informant who shares a letter in his name with a member of one direction gets killed.

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@BrianKettle

#ThePotCallingTheWellYeahYouGetTheIdeaWithThatOne

When did you first realise that Liverpool FC were a racist club? Was it when the team had no qualms with defending a man accused and found guilty of racial abuse? Was it when the fans all rallied around the manager for it and booed the victim in the affair? Or was it when you noticed that one of the most popular Liverpool tweeters has a photo of noted Friend of Colonialism George Orwell as his avatar?

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@DanHannanMEP

#DanHannananaykroyd

Since Mensch had the decency to resign before we got round to her, Dan Hannan marks our first Tory MP on this list. That’s quite something, when you think about it. I’d imagine that when Twitter was launched, few expected many of them to be hanging around, and that’s a shame, because it could’ve been a pretty good argument to persuade them to can the whole idea before it got past the fag-packet stage.

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@LouiseMensch

#RegretsIveHadAFewButThenAgainTooFewToMenshn

Yeah, we’re getting into the good stuff now. As you can tell from the decrease in frequency, we’re also getting into the ones that necessitate real research, going back through the archives to dig up the multitude of atrocities past committed by our targets. In theory, at least. In reality, I reckon I can do this one off the top of my head.

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#SuxCoburgGotha

D’you remember, around the time of the Greek and French elections, all the boasts from our media set when the silly foreigners voted in droves for fascists? It couldn’t happen here, how different to our country where we’ve rejected the BNP, the British appetite for democracy cannot be quenched no matter the circumstances. You name the position, there was an op-ed on Comment is Free about it, unless it was anything other than mindless optimism.

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@RichardDawkins

#Mememememe

It is the great question of our age as to which group of people are the most persecuted, vilified, and oppressed in our society. Some people say it’s Christians. Some people say it’s indigenous white people. Some people say it’s heterosexuals, and some people say it’s all of the above. Dawkins knows, though. It’s atheists.

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@MofGimmers

#HisOwnWorstNME

I don’t really need to summarise Mof Gimmers, because he’s done it himself, when he applied to be the editor of the NME. I thought it summed the guy up pretty well, so here’s a point-by-point annotation of his application.

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@Frimpong26AFC

#EmmanuelPetty

Footballers used to be gods. Superhumans. You’d see them at the supermarket, or drunkenly kicking an Asian student’s head in, and all you could do is stare at them in awe. They were once like you. They came from dirt, but they’d been blessed. Visited in the middle of the night by a superpower that meant they could play the people’s game. You didn’t look up to them per se, but you knew they were better than you.  They might give you a wave if you requested it in song form, but everyone accepted they were on a higher plane in society. Then Twitter happened.

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@bglendenning

#TheDickPicPapers

Well, that’s how you get hits, eh? Who knew that writing about Noel Fielding would be able to capture an audience that had a high ratio of Tumblr accounts ?  Unfortunately, a lot of you who got on board due to that are gonna have to either sit this one out or pay close attention - can’t imagine the demographic crossover is too great here. 

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