I don’t really need to summarise Mof Gimmers, because he’s done it himself, when he applied to be the editor of the NME. I thought it summed the guy up pretty well, so here’s a point-by-point annotation of his application.
Of all the memes that have spawned legions of parody accounts on Twitter, Wonka is by far the worst and most ubiquitous. For some reason, a load of people decided it would be funny to have Gene Wilder state “Oh, you’re drinking diet coke? My, aren’t you the embodiment of a healthy lifestyle.” And so on. The thing is, that these jokes tend to quickly wear thin. There ain’t the permutations to keep it going. So you have to evolve. Conservative Wonka is a fascinating case study in this field.
We’ve already examined British lad culture once or twice on these pages, but you may be wondering: What do our American cousins have in it’s place? Well, they have something quite similar, but as you’d expect, there are a multitude of social and cultural distinctions to be made, which make it very complex to analyse. Here’s how you do it.
Some of you feel that a lot of the people on this list are too low. Sometimes, we’ve gotta get the topical dollar, like with Aveyard and Bragg. Sometimes, you’re just never going to be pleased, because honestly what number could truly fit the likes of FourFourTom? But sometimes, you make the mistake of assuming a terrible person is automatically a terrible tweeter. This is one of those. I state, with absolute confidence, that Penn Jillette is the worst man in the world. However, I actually had to check and see if he had a Twitter presence or not, which explains his relatively low place on the list.
We need to talk about Guy Fawkes masks. I might be speaking from a position of some bias when I caution against glorifying a man who planned an ethnic cleansing of London’s Scots, but I think I speak for a wider demographic when I say that any ‘WE ARE THE 99%’ types donning the mask aren’t, in fact, coming across as edgy and dangerous, but in fact smack of “haha, V for Vendetta was cool, yeah. Welp, fuck the police or something, also let Julian Assange out. Having sex with a girl without a condom or her consent isn’t REAL rape.” Old Holborn, however, can’t even aspire to that.
We’re only in July, but it’s already been a bumper year for contenders of the worst opinion piece of 2k12. We had this outstanding effort from James Dellingpole (the whole piece isn’t up anymore, but thankfully it says all it needs to in the first paragraph) and a late contender even threw down the gauntlet today. The bookies favourite, however, remains this outrageous wibble by Martin Robbins.
Of all the criticism that’s been levelled at this blog since it began, the strangest was also the most accurate - yes, somebody accused us of having “prejudice towards the middle-classes.” I say accurate, but as with our entrants, T100WPOT is a broad church, and our opinions on those with gin, tea, or “RTs not necessarily endorsements” in their Twitter bios range right across the wide and righteous spectrum from gas chamber to struggle session. Despite all that, you’re right - we have been hitting too hard on that same note. So here’s our entry on Rufus Hound, of the £8,270-a-term Frensham Heights, or to give him his birth name, Robert James Blair Simpson.
We’ve all suffered at the hands of American Anglophiles. There’s a point at every house party where you’re cornered by some drunk dame who wants to enthuse over Mansun’s back catalogue and says shit like “Oh, upstate New York, but it’s practically Canada.” They’re harmless enough though. English people who take an inordinate interest in American culture are a lot worse, though. Especially the English who fixate on American politics.
Before the internet, one of the big arguments used to attack atheism was that old G.K. Chesterton line, “Once people stop believing in God, they don’t believe nothing - they believe everything.” If Keith was around today, he’d probably have come up with something like “Once people stop believing in God, they choose to define themselves through that dullest part of their personality, grow a stupid beard and sit around all day making the same fish-in-a-barrel arguments while financing cunts like Richard Dawkins who make a living out of releasing books and going on TV to tell people the earth is round.”