The 100 Worst People On Twitter
A comprehensive run-down of Twitter's greatest whoppers, weapons, throbbers, shitheels, and bellpieces.
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#CrackTrouper
Putting together a top 100 list is easy. There’s a formula. Think about a top 100 albums list. Number 100 is a marquee name to draw everyone in. The 90s are filled with recognisable entries, the 70s and 80s have some obscure picks, the 50s and 60s contain those whose reputation is either on the rise or on the fall. You get into the top 40 and you can start bringing out the big boys. We’ve done all that. We even had a wildcard entry with Sara Malm. And now is the time of the list where we go “Actually, “Stunt” by the Barenaked Ladies is one of the best albums of the 90s”. You’ll double-take, you’ll shake your head, but eventually you’ll agree: “It’s All Been Done” and “In The Car” are great singles and they both deserved more airplay.
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#EmmanuelPetty
Footballers used to be gods. Superhumans. You’d see them at the supermarket, or drunkenly kicking an Asian student’s head in, and all you could do is stare at them in awe. They were once like you. They came from dirt, but they’d been blessed. Visited in the middle of the night by a superpower that meant they could play the people’s game. You didn’t look up to them per se, but you knew they were better than you. They might give you a wave if you requested it in song form, but everyone accepted they were on a higher plane in society. Then Twitter happened.
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@Joey7Barton
#ThatJokeIsntFunnyAnymore
When it came to writing this, and examining Joey B’s Twitter-based discrepancies, I couldn’t help but be struck between the similarity to him and an earlier entry, Joe Budden. The continued failures, the embarrassment, the leaping into any beef without a moment’s consideration. But is Joe Budden Rap Game Joey Barton, or is Joey Barton ‘Baller Game Joe Budden?
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@themichaelowen
#BlandOfGod
If you’d told me back when I was 9 that Michael Owen’s career would end in a pretty embarrassing series of events, from sitting on the bench of St. James’ Park watching his team get relegated to the constant injuries and ineffectiveness, I’d have been delighted. I just didn’t expect him to be doing it in the fucking number 7 shirt at United.
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#ThisLandIsMyLandSpecificallyTheBigBitAroundMyHugeHouse
Despite our fierce objection to certain claims that this entire list was birthed on the back of Aveyard clobbering some women (false - we’d been compiling it for a month beforehand), here at T100WPOT we’re not averse to a bit of topicality. That in mind, while the title says this is about Billy Bragg, we’re casting a wider net here.
- athletes
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- british twitter
- bland platitudes
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- Idiots
- insecure as fuck
- no war but the class war
- opinions4u
- politics as usual
- people who are technically famous for something other than twitter
- racists
- twitter is a middle-class playground
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#Speaks5LanguagesAndABoreInEveryOne
The 11th of January was always destined to go down as one of the most famous dates in history, as would any date that birthed John Sessions, Arthur Scargill, and Mary J. Blige. In 2012, we remember that as the day the music died. For that was the day that Vincent Kompany took to the internet to write this tl;dr post, the most revolutionary tract since Das Kapital. In a few keystrokes, hundreds of years of history came to nothing, and football was forever lost.
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#KnowYourRoleAndShutYourAccount
The well-educated and heterosexual among you won’t know this, but no company has jumped upon Twitter as hard as World Wrestling Entertainment has. Every WWE “superstar” has their own account which is repeatedly shitposted during every TV show. On-screen graphics during matches let us know what wrestling-related terms are currently trending. The company even hired Charlie Sheen as its official “social media ambassador” roughly four days before the man closed his account down for good. Professional wrestling in 2012 is one of those PowerPoint presentations you’re forced to go to at work concerning “How Can We Harvest Social Media Networks to Deliver Going-Forward Value In 2013 and Beyond?” Except with more casual misogyny.
