A lot of the people criticised here, especially as we’ve entered the upper tier, are placed because they represent something bad beyond their Twitter account. The insularity of the British media classes. The sinister creep of threatened masculinity. The banality of modern alternative culture. Being Grace Dent. @reverend_makers represents none of these. He represents himself. He represents a man who is really, really bad at using Twitter. And then gets him a top 15 berth. Inspirational…
This is an odd time to be a left-leaning member of the commentariat, because almost everything said will be of no importance or relevance at all. You’d think, given the situation, that if not a working understanding of the global financial crisis, then at least an acceptance that it’s happening, would be a prerequisite to be paid to post your opinions, but no.
The obvious point to make with David Mitchell is that he, Webb, and commisioning editors made the mistake of thinking that being able to memorise some words on a piece of paper and repeat them, sometimes while pretending to do things, meant that was enough to make you destined for greatness in the field of writing, because the words they read happened to be funny. Thusly, a terrible plague was set upon us. Yet that doesn’t tell the whole tale.
When did you first realise that Liverpool FC were a racist club? Was it when the team had no qualms with defending a man accused and found guilty of racial abuse? Was it when the fans all rallied around the manager for it and booed the victim in the affair? Or was it when you noticed that one of the most popular Liverpool tweeters has a photo of noted Friend of Colonialism George Orwell as his avatar?
I was raised on a music journalist content farm. So here is a 200-word history of Lethal Bizzle’s career. He begun as one of More Fire Crew, a male version of The Faders: all invigorating youthful energy and a total lack of any competence. He then recorded “Pow!”. This was meant to be the musical summation of the social tensions and unrest that existed in the mid-2000s, but now stands a lot less evocative of the sound of 2004 than, say, “Put ‘em High” by Stonebridge. He had a shot at a pop career after this, which saw him flip the same Spinners sample that Abs from 5ive had used on his debut album three years prior, and somehow made a shittier stab at it. Then came grindie and a period of time where he was the token black man for hire for some of the worst guitar bands of the 2000s: Babyshambles, The Rakes, yourcodenameis:milo. He went on to play the Download festival, for some reason, before returning to the bosom of Channel U. What I’m saying is that, throughout every single musical nadir of the past decade, Lethal Bizzle has been present. He’s like the Zelig of crap.
Since Mensch had the decency to resign before we got round to her, Dan Hannan marks our first Tory MP on this list. That’s quite something, when you think about it. I’d imagine that when Twitter was launched, few expected many of them to be hanging around, and that’s a shame, because it could’ve been a pretty good argument to persuade them to can the whole idea before it got past the fag-packet stage.
I’m not saying that you “have” to like 50 Cent. What I am saying is that, if you enjoy rap as a commercial artform, then it’s hard to name a musician with more classic chart songs since… at least the mid 90s. “Life’s On The Line”, “Many Men (Wish Death)”, “I Get Money”, “Hate It Or Love It”, “Poppin’ Them Thangs”, “How to Rob”… these are all enjoyable ways to fill up an iPod.
Yeah, we’re getting into the good stuff now. As you can tell from the decrease in frequency, we’re also getting into the ones that necessitate real research, going back through the archives to dig up the multitude of atrocities past committed by our targets. In theory, at least. In reality, I reckon I can do this one off the top of my head.
D’you remember, around the time of the Greek and French elections, all the boasts from our media set when the silly foreigners voted in droves for fascists? It couldn’t happen here, how different to our country where we’ve rejected the BNP, the British appetite for democracy cannot be quenched no matter the circumstances. You name the position, there was an op-ed on Comment is Free about it, unless it was anything other than mindless optimism.
It is the great question of our age as to which group of people are the most persecuted, vilified, and oppressed in our society. Some people say it’s Christians. Some people say it’s indigenous white people. Some people say it’s heterosexuals, and some people say it’s all of the above. Dawkins knows, though. It’s atheists.