The 100 Worst People On Twitter
A comprehensive run-down of Twitter's greatest whoppers, weapons, throbbers, shitheels, and bellpieces.
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@AlaindeBotton
#AdBOut
You know those accounts, the Will Smith parody accounts or the Notebook, endlessly tweeting the self-help slogans and the “never give up on your dreams” gruel? The ones that take up the part of Twitter that isn’t comprised of football ‘banter’ retweets and “that awkward moment when you thought they were talking about the man of the same name who sings in that band” tweets whenever a Mossad informant who shares a letter in his name with a member of one direction gets killed.
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@BrianKettle
#ThePotCallingTheWellYeahYouGetTheIdeaWithThatOne
When did you first realise that Liverpool FC were a racist club? Was it when the team had no qualms with defending a man accused and found guilty of racial abuse? Was it when the fans all rallied around the manager for it and booed the victim in the affair? Or was it when you noticed that one of the most popular Liverpool tweeters has a photo of noted Friend of Colonialism George Orwell as his avatar?
- british twitter
- cunts
- football
- failed attempts at humour
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- hammering the same joke into the ground over and over again
- Idiots
- insecure as fuck
- liverpool fans
- manchildren
- opinions4u
- people who in no way condone any racist behaviour
- people who almost certainly live in a basement
- people who still wish it was 2004
- whoring for rts
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@Joey7Barton
#ThatJokeIsntFunnyAnymore
When it came to writing this, and examining Joey B’s Twitter-based discrepancies, I couldn’t help but be struck between the similarity to him and an earlier entry, Joe Budden. The continued failures, the embarrassment, the leaping into any beef without a moment’s consideration. But is Joe Budden Rap Game Joey Barton, or is Joey Barton ‘Baller Game Joe Budden?
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@gilescoren
#BirdsEyeView
You thought you could get away from us that easily, huh?
- attention whores
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- british twitter
- cunts
- failed attempts at humour
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- insecure as fuck
- no war but the class war
- misogynists
- opinions4u
- people who went to schools whose yearly fees surpass the transfer budget of most league two clubs
- people with racist dads
- smug
- troll bait
- twitter is a middle-class playground
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@MensHumor
#TheFatuousBaconBoys
We’ve already examined British lad culture once or twice on these pages, but you may be wondering: What do our American cousins have in it’s place? Well, they have something quite similar, but as you’d expect, there are a multitude of social and cultural distinctions to be made, which make it very complex to analyse. Here’s how you do it.
- Americans can be shit at Twitter as well
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- corporate whores
- cunts
- down with the kids
- failed attempts at humour
- failures in life
- GIVE ME A BOOK DEAL
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- hammering the same joke into the ground over and over again
- insecure as fuck
- lad banter
- misogynists
- Neckbeards
- racists
- trying to be funny
- the same jokes everyone else is tweeting
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#TheWorstAManCanGet
Some of you feel that a lot of the people on this list are too low. Sometimes, we’ve gotta get the topical dollar, like with Aveyard and Bragg. Sometimes, you’re just never going to be pleased, because honestly what number could truly fit the likes of FourFourTom? But sometimes, you make the mistake of assuming a terrible person is automatically a terrible tweeter. This is one of those. I state, with absolute confidence, that Penn Jillette is the worst man in the world. However, I actually had to check and see if he had a Twitter presence or not, which explains his relatively low place on the list.
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#ThisLandIsMyLandSpecificallyTheBigBitAroundMyHugeHouse
Despite our fierce objection to certain claims that this entire list was birthed on the back of Aveyard clobbering some women (false - we’d been compiling it for a month beforehand), here at T100WPOT we’re not averse to a bit of topicality. That in mind, while the title says this is about Billy Bragg, we’re casting a wider net here.
- athletes
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- british twitter
- bland platitudes
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- Idiots
- insecure as fuck
- no war but the class war
- opinions4u
- politics as usual
- people who are technically famous for something other than twitter
- racists
- twitter is a middle-class playground
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#MiddleClassRevolt
We need to talk about Guy Fawkes masks. I might be speaking from a position of some bias when I caution against glorifying a man who planned an ethnic cleansing of London’s Scots, but I think I speak for a wider demographic when I say that any ‘WE ARE THE 99%’ types donning the mask aren’t, in fact, coming across as edgy and dangerous, but in fact smack of “haha, V for Vendetta was cool, yeah. Welp, fuck the police or something, also let Julian Assange out. Having sex with a girl without a condom or her consent isn’t REAL rape.” Old Holborn, however, can’t even aspire to that.
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#SalatTosser
Never discuss politics or religion at the dinner table. That isn’t a matter of etiquette, it just makes you a very poor dining companion.
