The 100 Worst People On Twitter
A comprehensive run-down of Twitter's greatest whoppers, weapons, throbbers, shitheels, and bellpieces.
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#SuxCoburgGotha
D’you remember, around the time of the Greek and French elections, all the boasts from our media set when the silly foreigners voted in droves for fascists? It couldn’t happen here, how different to our country where we’ve rejected the BNP, the British appetite for democracy cannot be quenched no matter the circumstances. You name the position, there was an op-ed on Comment is Free about it, unless it was anything other than mindless optimism.
- Accounts almost certainly run by low-tier British freelance journalists
- british twitter
- british media class
- cunts
- failed attempts at humour
- GIVE ME A BOOK DEAL
- Gin! Gin! Gin! Gin! The sucking wound where my personality should be! Gin! Gin!
- hammering the same joke into the ground over and over again
- Idiots
- no war but the class war
- people who RT Graham Linehan
- people who probably use the term guilty pleasure to describe perfectly good tv shows and music
- queen_uk
- shamelessness
- trying to be funny
- things that make me lose faith in humanity
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#CBGoHome
Charlie Brooker is a man who has gotten undeservedly wealthy through criticising what he does not understand. He got paid a good wage to pass comment on TV, a medium he himself clearly doesn’t understand or have any insight into. Evidence? Let’s run through his CV as a comedy writer: The 11 O’Clock Show (as in “Daisy Donovan says ‘pearl necklace’ to an MP and then Iain Lee pulls a face), the “Paedophilia” episode of Brass Eye (terrible, directly responsible for Mock the Week), Spoons (apparently this was a different TV show to Blunder?) and Nathan Barley (Channel 4’s answer to Celebrity Wrestling).
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@bglendenning
#TheDickPicPapers
Well, that’s how you get hits, eh? Who knew that writing about Noel Fielding would be able to capture an audience that had a high ratio of Tumblr accounts ? Unfortunately, a lot of you who got on board due to that are gonna have to either sit this one out or pay close attention - can’t imagine the demographic crossover is too great here.
- attention whores
- british twitter
- bland platitudes
- cunts
- down with the kids
- barry glendenning
- football
- failed attempts at humour
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- Idiots
- lecherous
- lad banter
- opinions4u
- people who are technically famous for something other than twitter
- people still clinging on to the deluded belief that print media is relevant
- people who RT Graham Linehan
- people who clearly dread the approaching spectre of middle-age
- shamelessness
- smug
- trying to be funny
- troll bait
- White People
- dirty old men
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#DaterProtectionAct
There’s a kinda well-meaning but reactionary argument you hear sometimes from people who “really got into The Killing”. It’s based around the idea that there’s far too many reality shows and, as a result, far too many reality TV stars. What these people fail to realise is that we have an infinitely larger media than we did even 10 years ago, so we need the Holly Hagans and Millie Mackintoshes of this world or else the gossip websites and Daily Mail website’s sidebar would just be full of question marks and smiley faces.
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@RevRichardColes
#WhiteCollarHooligan
Listen, we’ve already spoken out on the Twitter Elite Death Krew, but I like to retain the vague semblance that we might’ve moved on since 1902. I like to believe that Social Media, such as it is, has at least changed the identity of the people that comprise the rulers of it’s own lands. I don’t need to still feel like I’m being oppressed by the church. Least of all when it’s figurehead closely resembles Martin O’Neill. We are though, because firmly ensconced within the Ivory suite at Twitterati Towers is the trendy vicar himself, Richard Coles.
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#QuantickSoullessOrchestrator
I was all for David Quantick getting on Twitter. I thought that if he typed all his messages, we’d never have to see him talk ever again. Watch him on those endless clip shows he turns up on to pay the bills. Stare at his mouth. His lips are both pursed and at an angle, like he’s trying to kiss someone standing three inches to his right. If he’s had some sort of minor stroke, I apologise. All I know is that I don’t enjoy seeing him speak.
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@TomChivers
#RTforRTsSake
So, we’re halfway there. For those of you who’ve been with us since the start, congratulations. For those of you who joined then got pissed off because we started having a pop at your friends, then fuck you Mr Barfe. For those of you who have turned up late to the party, no worries, it’s only just getting started. There’s still plenty of booze left, everybody’s getting into it, and the guy who hijacked the music and refused to play anything other than dubstep has been asked to leave. Settle down as we enter what this list is really all about.
- attention whores
- british twitter
- bland platitudes
- cunts
- down with the kids
- failed attempts at humour
- Idiots
- no war but the class war
- opinions4u
- politics as usual
- people who RT Graham Linehan
- people who went to schools whose yearly fees surpass the transfer budget of most league two clubs
- shamelessness
- twitter is a middle-class playground
- Tom Chivers
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#AlexisSadlyNotOnFire
A lot of middle-aged journalists have been forced by their editors into getting on Twitter. I don’t think Alexis Petridis, music editor GQ Magazine, is one of those people. He’s always been an early adopter when it comes to the internet. Who can forget him breaking the law by selling promo CDs on eBay back in 2005 (which should give you a rough idea of how much The Guardian pays its writers)? Those deeper in the game will remember him turning up on Belle & Sebastian mailing lists in the late 90s and posting some embarrassing “just smoked my first cannabis doobie guys, let’s talk about drugs!” stuff. It should be pointed out that he was deputy editor of Mixmag at the time of that post.
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#B3taAsFuck
“We get a Tory government. The rich get massively richer. And this is evidence of a stupid chancellor? He’s just acting in his class interest” - Rob Manuel
“What’s long and black? The unemployment line.” - One of 38,476 jokes filed under ‘Racism - Black’ on Sickipedia, a site Rob Manuel owns and makes money from.
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#IAintSayinHesAGoldacre
We’re only in July, but it’s already been a bumper year for contenders of the worst opinion piece of 2k12. We had this outstanding effort from James Dellingpole (the whole piece isn’t up anymore, but thankfully it says all it needs to in the first paragraph) and a late contender even threw down the gauntlet today. The bookies favourite, however, remains this outrageous wibble by Martin Robbins.
- atheism
- british twitter
- bland platitudes
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- Idiots
- nerds
- Neckbeards
- no war but the class war
- opinions4u
- politics as usual
- people who RT Graham Linehan
- people who went to schools whose yearly fees surpass the transfer budget of most league two clubs
- people who almost certainly live in a basement
- twitter is a middle-class playground
- martin robbins
- tech fetishism
