The 100 Worst People On Twitter
A comprehensive run-down of Twitter's greatest whoppers, weapons, throbbers, shitheels, and bellpieces.
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@RichardDawkins
#Mememememe
It is the great question of our age as to which group of people are the most persecuted, vilified, and oppressed in our society. Some people say it’s Christians. Some people say it’s indigenous white people. Some people say it’s heterosexuals, and some people say it’s all of the above. Dawkins knows, though. It’s atheists.
- atheism
- attention whores
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- british twitter
- cunts
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- Idiots
- manchildren
- misogynists
- no war but the class war
- nerds
- opinions4u
- people who are technically famous for something other than twitter
- people who went to schools whose yearly fees surpass the transfer budget of most league two clubs
- racists
- racists racists racists racists racists racists racists racists racists
- smug
- shamelessness
- richard dawkins
- things that make me lose faith in humanity
- The middle Classes
- twitter is a middle-class playground
- White People
- whoring for rts
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#CrackTrouper
Putting together a top 100 list is easy. There’s a formula. Think about a top 100 albums list. Number 100 is a marquee name to draw everyone in. The 90s are filled with recognisable entries, the 70s and 80s have some obscure picks, the 50s and 60s contain those whose reputation is either on the rise or on the fall. You get into the top 40 and you can start bringing out the big boys. We’ve done all that. We even had a wildcard entry with Sara Malm. And now is the time of the list where we go “Actually, “Stunt” by the Barenaked Ladies is one of the best albums of the 90s”. You’ll double-take, you’ll shake your head, but eventually you’ll agree: “It’s All Been Done” and “In The Car” are great singles and they both deserved more airplay.
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@GOPWonka
#YouLoseGoodDay
Of all the memes that have spawned legions of parody accounts on Twitter, Wonka is by far the worst and most ubiquitous. For some reason, a load of people decided it would be funny to have Gene Wilder state “Oh, you’re drinking diet coke? My, aren’t you the embodiment of a healthy lifestyle.” And so on. The thing is, that these jokes tend to quickly wear thin. There ain’t the permutations to keep it going. So you have to evolve. Conservative Wonka is a fascinating case study in this field.
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@DrEoinClarke
#BlairKitschProject
It’s a strange sort who has a big emotional investment in not just electoral politics, but the goings-on within Westminster. A man who runs a blog called ‘The Green Benches’ and has his Twitter background of the interior of the House of Commons, despite never having been involved with the place in any way. Like most Labour idiots, a lot of people follow Dr Eoin Clarke PhD because he’ll come out with some “Ha! Ha! Look at this rubbish Tory policy! Idiots!” gib every day, and people forget that the natural addition “Of course, we’d do exactly the same thing but over a slightly longer period of time” remains unspoken.
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@MensHumor
#TheFatuousBaconBoys
We’ve already examined British lad culture once or twice on these pages, but you may be wondering: What do our American cousins have in it’s place? Well, they have something quite similar, but as you’d expect, there are a multitude of social and cultural distinctions to be made, which make it very complex to analyse. Here’s how you do it.
- Americans can be shit at Twitter as well
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- corporate whores
- cunts
- down with the kids
- failed attempts at humour
- failures in life
- GIVE ME A BOOK DEAL
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- hammering the same joke into the ground over and over again
- insecure as fuck
- lad banter
- misogynists
- Neckbeards
- racists
- trying to be funny
- the same jokes everyone else is tweeting
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#ThisLandIsMyLandSpecificallyTheBigBitAroundMyHugeHouse
Despite our fierce objection to certain claims that this entire list was birthed on the back of Aveyard clobbering some women (false - we’d been compiling it for a month beforehand), here at T100WPOT we’re not averse to a bit of topicality. That in mind, while the title says this is about Billy Bragg, we’re casting a wider net here.
- athletes
- accounts that are single-handedly setting the white man back 200 years
- british twitter
- bland platitudes
- Great Crusaders Of Our Epoch
- Idiots
- insecure as fuck
- no war but the class war
- opinions4u
- politics as usual
- people who are technically famous for something other than twitter
- racists
- twitter is a middle-class playground
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#B3taAsFuck
“We get a Tory government. The rich get massively richer. And this is evidence of a stupid chancellor? He’s just acting in his class interest” - Rob Manuel
“What’s long and black? The unemployment line.” - One of 38,476 jokes filed under ‘Racism - Black’ on Sickipedia, a site Rob Manuel owns and makes money from.
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#GypsyTrampAndThief
Up until the moment I got to university, all I knew about cheerleading came from US teen sitcoms. I thought they were all blonde dangerous alphas who politicked their way to the top of the social ladder. And then I saw Lancaster University’s cheerleading squadron, and it was all girls with split ends who had a big rep on the Buffy fan fiction Livejournal circuit. What I’m saying is that cheerleading is one of those institutions that is terrible but becomes infinitely more embarrassing when attempted by Brits. Such as schoolyard massacres or eggs over easy. Or parody accounts.
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#MiddleClassRevolt
We need to talk about Guy Fawkes masks. I might be speaking from a position of some bias when I caution against glorifying a man who planned an ethnic cleansing of London’s Scots, but I think I speak for a wider demographic when I say that any ‘WE ARE THE 99%’ types donning the mask aren’t, in fact, coming across as edgy and dangerous, but in fact smack of “haha, V for Vendetta was cool, yeah. Welp, fuck the police or something, also let Julian Assange out. Having sex with a girl without a condom or her consent isn’t REAL rape.” Old Holborn, however, can’t even aspire to that.
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#14WordsIn140Characters
To many of you, the tale of @GhettoHikes is old news. That’s because you spend all of your time looking for something to get angry about on the internet. You can play the back for this entry. For the rest of you, here’s something you won’t get that often on this blog: a heart-warming story. A heart-warming story about the rise and fall of a racist sack of shit.
