The 100 Worst People On Twitter

@DanHannanMEP

#DanHannananaykroyd

Since Mensch had the decency to resign before we got round to her, Dan Hannan marks our first Tory MP on this list. That’s quite something, when you think about it. I’d imagine that when Twitter was launched, few expected many of them to be hanging around, and that’s a shame, because it could’ve been a pretty good argument to persuade them to can the whole idea before it got past the fag-packet stage.

I tell a lie, though - Dan Hannan isn’t an MP, he’s an MEP, which just magnifies all of the worst traits you’d expect a Tory MP to have. The best thing you can say about our political system is that it has a wonderful sense of humour, since it’s always the ‘darkies go home’ and flag-waving types of politicians that tend to get appointed as a Member of the European Parliament.

Hannan’s not an obvious racist like Nick Griffin or someone. Instead, he’s a libertarian. Libertarians, as we touched upon in the Penn Jillet entry, are essentially “Why cant I have MY MONEY” manchildren who say things like “I see they’re closing down free breakfast clubs. About time. Why should I pay for someone else because they can’t be bothered to feed their kids”, either failing to understand or care that what they’re saying is literally “I don’t care if some children are going hungry, I want to have another week a year in Nice.” All that’s missing is the Monopoly guy outfit and they’re pretty much the sort of people that used to get painted on the side of trains in the early Soviet Union.

Dan Hannan takes it further, attempting to come across as some sort of philosopher - note the scholarly pose in the avatar - but actually ends up as something like Ayn Rand Bot, constantly posting snappy ill-thought-out platitudes in favour of the free market that get RTd by the same 40 white people over and over again.

Of course, he’s not without his true moments of glory. Most recently, he suggested that when David Cameron failed to correctly answer questions on UK Citizenship , he did so deliberately, so as not to come across as too intelligent. His reasoning for this was that he went to Eton, and so couldn’t possibly be stupid.

Obviously, even Dan Hannan doesn’t possibly believe that could be true, and I bet he felt a real twinge of sadness when Cameron went on Letterman and came across as an idiot - like all these right-wing politicos, Louise Mensch being another classic example, he’s obsessed with the USA. It’s the one thing that unites all the worst people in politics in this country, which is most of them, from the Guardian’s 'life-GIFing of the presidential debate’ to Mensch flirting with Schwarzenegger.

And another common trend among people in this list - he’s a complete hypocrite over the death of public figures, and someone who prides himself on slaying sacred cows, whilst throwing his toys out of the pram if anyone attacks what, to him, is a sacred cow. Your man wrote a tl;dr article on Why Thatcher Is Great And People Celebrating Her Death Are Sick And Wrong in the Telegraph. So when Marxist historian Eric Hobsbawm dies, Hannan distances himself from the nasty lefties by acting in a respectful manner, tweeting a link to a “HE WAS AS BAD AS HITLER” hatchet-job before his corpse was cold.

That article is exactly the sort of thing that sums up Hannan - someone who thinks he’s Jonathan fucking Swift when what he’s actually doing is pointing at someone and going “YOU’RE LIKE HITLER! YOU’RE HITLER! YOU’RE A NAZI!” It’s often said that there’s virtually no difference between the nominal 'left’ and 'right’ in this country anymore, and they’re correct. Not just in terms of liberal economics, but also in the total infantilisation of everything that takes place nowadays. On the one hand, live-GIFing presidential debates, on the other, screaming 'Hitler!’ as a default counter-argument, they’re two sides of the same coin, and the only way is back to toddlerhood. Strap yourselves into your high chairs, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Sample Tweets

“'Government does not solve problems; it subsidises them.’ Ronald Reagan”

“Why all this fuss about party leaders who memorise their speeches? You can see the same thing in any school play.” - 2nd October, 2012.

“Americans! Do you really want a president who goes to pieces without a teleprompter? #Obama #romney2012” - 3rd October, 2012.