The 100 Worst People On Twitter

@LethalBizzle

#PowRightInThePisser

I was raised on a music journalist content farm. So here is a 200-word history of Lethal Bizzle’s career. He begun as one of More Fire Crew, a male version of The Faders: all invigorating youthful energy and a total lack of any competence. He then recorded “Pow!”. This was meant to be the musical summation of the social tensions and unrest that existed in the mid-2000s, but now stands a lot less evocative of the sound of 2004 than, say, “Put ‘em High” by Stonebridge. He had a shot at a pop career after this, which saw him flip the same Spinners sample that Abs from 5ive had used on his debut album three years prior, and somehow made a shittier stab at it. Then came grindie and a period of time where he was the token black man for hire for some of the worst guitar bands of the 2000s: Babyshambles, The Rakes, yourcodenameis:milo. He went on to play the Download festival, for some reason, before returning to the bosom of Channel U. What I’m saying is that, throughout every single musical nadir of the past decade, Lethal Bizzle has been present. He’s like the Zelig of crap.

For the first time, The 100 Worst People On Twitter is a family affair. Lethal Bizzle is the cousin of our #34 entry, Emmanuel Frimpong. In many ways, he’s Frimpong 2.0. They’re both fuelled by the same level of shitty “banter”, the same recycled catchphrases, the same pushing of merchandise as if they’re somehow both aware that their “talent” won’t sustain them in snapbacks in their dotage. Lethal Bizzle, like Frimpong, has the personality of one of those dudes at the gym who has swole arms but matchstick legs because “working below the waist is gay, bruv”. An hour spent reading Lethal Bizzle’s Twitter is like being stuck in a room where the walls are slowly closing in on you, and each wall has a mounted flatscreen TV broadcasting nothing but Soccer AM  repeats on a loop.

Bizzle is a man of the people though, he interacts, he chats, he gets RTd. So I looked at his Favstar, thought I’d get a flavor of what his fans really go for. Abject shitty “banter” with Piers Morgan that makes Alan Sugar’s efforts look like a reformation of the Algonquin Round Table. Frustration that Joey Barton doesn’t like the word “dench”. A claim that his bank account is in the seven-figure range (if you think a man with one top 10 single over a decade ago, no top 75 albums and no live stageshow presence can be stacking those chips, I have a bridge to sell you). And five separate complains about the sexual morality of X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos.

Tulisa is apparently “a slut” (twice). She should “leave it, yeah”, she knows how to “suck a dick properly” and she should “suck Simon’s wrinkled ding a ling, lol”. When he first came on the scene, and in his very first radio verse used the phrase “that boy Lethal B” six times in the first eight lines, I thought a true poet had arrived. Instead he’s a misogynistic shit with an over-inflated view of his own worth and role on this planet.

It’s so easy to attack shitty fratboy comedians and “lad” websites for woman-hating behaviours. But, really, who the fuck cares if Dave from Chorley wants to talk about the “6/10” he “hung out of the back of” on a Saturday night? He’s nobody. Lethal Bizzle and the culture he represents, on the other hand, is a lot more insidious. People love him, every redbrick student that wears Jack Wills knitwear with a snapback loves him. He’s not the lowest form of lad culture. He’s not its most potent advocate. But he wields its power in the ugliest way possible.

When he came through, the NME wanted you to believe he was the voice of disenfranchised black British youth. Instead, he’s the voice of every guy who’s committed date rape in the aftermath of a fancy dress pub crawl during freshers’ week. So leave it, yeah? Please, for the love of God, leave it forever.

Sample Tweets:

“My 1st guest is going to be…. #Tulisa. Clear the air #OrThroat #Leaveit”

“Tulisa is a great role model, showing the N Cat Dublets how to su*k a di*k properly :) #ISaluteYouBabes #PurpleWilly #LeaveItYeah”

“Tonight I’m at Lincoin freshers with my #DENCHGANG”