#CockLobster
We’ve covered one frontier of the bellend spectrum of football punditry/fandom, so what lies at the other? To use a hideous phrase, (which, regrettably, I have some indirect responsibility for) ‘football hipsters’ reside at the other.
Had we not gone on a brief hiatus, we may have used this space for the archetype of the genre, Paul Sarahs, a self-parody of a commentator, embodying all the giddy paranoia of a stereotypical City fan but extending it towards world football - that’s world football, as in leagues you don’t watch, because you don’t, to use his catchphrase, “make a living from the game.”
But no. Something even greater loomed on the horizon - through association with FourFourTom, we discovered him. He didn’t seem like too much of an outrageous prick, by self-styled football pundit standards, but change was in the wind - we hadn’t realised his talent, but someone else had. A company with a few quid to spare with an impressive business pitch - “like Twitter, right, but for sport.”
So, Postinger got his own TV show, sitting in a plush studio and interviewing top guests. Well, his own internet show, sitting in a plush studio and interviewing top football guests. Well, his own internet show, sitting in what looks like a Wythenshawe comprehensive’s abandoned common room and interviewing top football guests. Well, his own internet show, sitting in a what looks like a Wythenshawe comprehensive’s abandoned common room and interviewing FourFourTom and a weirdly unfuckable Norwegian guy nobody’s ever heard of.
Postinger has a remarkably easy gig in not coming across as an idiot when FourFourTom is beside him, and yet he somehow fails to manage it. Alone, he’s even worse. Look at the pauses. The “oh, hello, I didn’t see you there” intro. The actual things he’s saying. The face. The hair. The accent. The spelling of ‘Nik.’ The clothes. I mean, I was planning to keep repeating one of these, classic bit of flair writing, but there’s already too many to list.
This blog has had many highs in it’s short lifespan, but our personal favourite was when we couldn’t quite call Rhodri Marsden out as massively creepy towards women, but our readers did the job for us, as comments poured in from women citing his lecherousness. We were expecting the same deal with Rob Delaney, but it hasn’t quite happened. With Postinger though, the stakes are high. Why? Because he has a long (but now deleted) history of using advance PUA terminology.
So, a guy who has “trilingual” as the first word in his bio, along with the phrase “the beautiful game” has a hard time picking up women, surprisingly. That’s fine, plenty of people do. I mean, not everyone decides to embark into membership of a gigantic rape-cult as a means of getting around that, but could he really be that insecure? Oh….
Sample Tweets
“Bielsa is a philosopher in a field that’s been invaded by businessmen and billionaires. Sadly, you’re more interested in Suárez soundbites.”
“Just bet @Haugstad1006 that Balotelli will outscore Higuaín next season—That triple Disaronno is gonna taste so good. pic.twitter.com/O0WdDlHXJe”
“Chest pains telling me I probably work too much :-/”